All the Jews were killed in the Red Sea
I don't think there are any nation in the world who have more conspiracy theories pointing at them than the Jews. The Jews are being accused of being in league with Satan, of controlling the whole world, of killing Jesus, of eating Christian babies, of controlling the world banking system and media and what not.
The truth can now be revealed and many people are going to be shocked by it.
The whole truth is that the Jewish nation doesn't exist. Yes, dear gentle reader, the Jews have not existed for thousand upon thousands (if not billions and billions) of years now.
The whole story about the Jews is a conspiracy in itself, because the Jews does not exist. The Jewish nation have just been created to confuse you and lead your mind away from the real foul people who are controlling our lives.
But how is this possible, you would ask as you take another sip of coffee from your cup and you look at your computer screen. Why, this very computer was bought at a shop run by Mister Kohen, who is a Jew. Even the cup was bought at the shop owned by Mister Ackerman, who is a Jew...
But let me tell you the whole story from the beginning:
The whole Israelite nation was destroyed at the Red Sea. Certain passages in the Bible have been changed to make it look as if the Egyptians where killed and the Israelites walk through the Red Sea dry as a a bone, but...
That is not what happened. After killing a lot of Egyptians with the ten plagues, the Lord God of the Israelites, thought he had the Egyptians licked, but he made a great mistake. The Egyptians had a greater god that they could only summon during their greatest national crisis. And killing all the first born made the ten plagues a national crisis
As the Lord God opened the Red Sea for the Israelites and they started walking through, the Egyptians arrived with their chariots and stood on the beach. The Israelites where very cocky and showed them the thumb and stuck out their tongues at the Egyptians.
Then the Egyptians opened their own box of kick-ass and out burst the angry god Stroggius, The Cruel. He immediately gave the Lord God such a heavy kick in the goiters that he ran away crying to mommy. The Israelites where now without protection and unfortunately -for them- already in the middle of the Red Sea. The great Stroggius flew out over the ocean and commanded the waters to assemble with his great big angry voice.
The Israelites begged and pleaded for mercy, but to no avail.
“Grasshoppers, hey; frogs hey; bloody water, hey; killing the first born, hey; now I will show you what a plague is really like, you Israelite scum.” the great god's voice thundered out over the waters as it exploded over the screaming and peeing in their pants Israelites.
“I'm an Egyptian Prince, I'm an Egyptian Prince.” Moses screamed out as he pointed with his walking stick trying to keep his head above the swirling mass of red water, but to no avail.
The Egyptians standing on the beach watching the whole spectacle, never had such a good laugh since Abraham lost his manhood in front of them when he claimed that he would cut it off and the Lord God would put it back together again. When Abraham still stood with the bloody penis in his hand the next morning he knew he lost the bet.
Stroggius changed the Red Sea into a twirling vortex to make sure even the best Israelite swimmer will not make it back to land.
And so all the Israelites including the tribe of Judah drowned that faithful day. Yes, the whole Israelite nation was killed and that is why the promises the Lord God made to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob never came to realization.
But now, some of the Egyptians had a twisted sense of humor.
“Why don't some of us pretend to be the Israelites and continue the trek through the desert and become a great nation. Then we see to it that we soil the name of the Jews so that everyone can hate them.” they said to themselves as they offered (not sacrificed – what would Stroggius do with a thousand barbecued virgins in any case?)a thousand virgins to the great god Stroggius.
About eighty of them started the great journey through the desert. They were camping out and had a jolly good time and that is why it took them forty years to make a journey that usually would take about three days. (There were only eighty Egyptians on the great trek and it was so noted in the biblical text from which the Pentateuch was written. One of the translators left some of the original texts on the carpet one evening when he fell asleep. His ten year old son came in, read through the text and decided to add a lot of zero's to all the numbers. That is why it seems as if more than a million Israelites were trekking through the desert. There wasn't even a million people in the whole Universe in those years and in any case where would a million people get food from in the desert?)
In any case...
On this great trek the Egyptians wrote books like the Scrolls of the Elders of Zion, the Kaballa and most of the Bible. All made up to make the Jews look like fools in later years.
Everywhere these Egyptians went they introduced themselves as Israelites or Jews to the people and then they “spoiled” the people to give the Jews a bad name. On their journey through Canaan they even met a tribe of blond-blue-eyed people who called themselves The Hitlars. The Egyptians - who had the most modern weapons and other magical staffs - overpowered these innocent blue eyed people and stripped them naked. Then they made them dance the macarena while shooting at their feet with ray guns. The faster the shot, the faster the Hitlars had to dance. Then they made them run naked through the desert, before giving them back their clothes after four days. The legend said The Hitlars never forgot this humiliation and said that they waited on the one to arrive before taking terrible revenge on the Egyptians - who they thought where Jews. (The real Jews would never do something like this, because they were a very serious people.)
The Egyptians' adventures in Canaan can be read in the first five books of the bible. Most of it is true, but most of the kinky stuff was left out or edited by later editors.
After thousands of years and many adventures these Egyptians, who had by this time trekked into the heart of Europe- decided that they were going to build another gigantic pyramid – like the one at Giza. Many people will be surprised to learn that the Egyptians built these pyramids for no reason at all.
It must remembered that these Egyptians, due to their superior intellect and mainly because of their superior weapons, quickly rose to the top wherever they were. This made the natives hate them even more; thinking they were Jews.
Another fact about the Egyptians, which people must understand, is that they had a real weird, but great sense of humor and did lots of things for no other reason but to confuse the later generations.
“Let us built this great building, which is bigger than a mountain, using this alien technology we got from this space ship that crashed here in the desert.” they would say.
Then, using laser instruments to make precise measurements, cutting up complete mountains to get enormous blocks and then using weird ray weapons to move these huge boulders they would build the great pyramids. They would also make these pyramids surrealistic inside for no other reason but to confuse modern day scientist. I am sure wherever they are, they are having a good laugh at Graham Hancock and others as they think up one theory after the other.
Or: “Let us build this great lion body with a small human face that is out of proportion to the body – this is sure to confuse them totally.” they would say as they had a good laugh. They would then switch on their hologram laser induced giant pencil set and form the Sphinx in two minutes, laughing as they thought of all the weird theories people will think up in future about it.
In any case, back to our Egyptians in Europe. To build this enormously big gigantic pyramid would cost a lot of money. Where it cost about three dollars and five cents, ten thousand years before to build the pyramid in Giza, it would now cost 553 million billion trillion gazillion dollars and sixty two cents.
That is where they started the banking system to collect money to build this gigantic pyramid in the heart of Germany. By that time the Hitlars have caught up with these jokers who made them run naked in the desert these many years before.
When the one was born great revenge was taken on the Jews in the late 1930's and all the money collected so far was taken by the Hitlar Tribe – who by then have forgotten their true roots and called themselves the Schutztaffel or SS for short. These monies were promptly put in Swiss bank accounts. (The use of these monies is the subject of another true theory that I will soon publish for all the world to see.)
Because of their superior intellect, but also because of their superior alien weaponry, the Egyptians destroyed Hitler's1 thousand year Reich in about three years time and went on where they left off with the banking system.
Legend has it that by 2012 the Jews would have collected enough money to start building the great pyramid. A great tribulation will then follow as they destroy most of the infrastructure and buildings in Germany to build their Giza Pyramid mark two. That is also the year that the reptilian women will come to earth to mate with their men and with female drivers in charge of the great star ships not much will be left of earth. But this is the material for another true conspiracy theory.
In any case this is the true story of the eternal Jew (who we now know is actually Egyptians) and his sense of humor.
1 Yes, gentle reader, Hitler was the one, but the Hitlars or Aryans, as they called themselves now, had great doubt about this, because Hitler was short and dark haired, which put doubt if he really was the one.
