ELVIS PRESLEY WAS ADOLF HITLER
This will be a bitter pill for most people to swallow, but the truth is that Elvis Presley was actually Adolf Hitler – who was the leader of the German people in the 1930's.
The official version is that Hitler committed suicide at the end of the Second World War. No-one actually believe this and a whole lot of crazy conspiracy theories sprung up around this “suicide”. It was said that a look-alike died in his place and that the real Hitler defected to South America where he is still alive today (as much as a 119 year senile, old man can be called alive). There are even theories that said that he went to the moon where he is still living on a secret NAZI moon-base. There is also a very obscure theory which state that Hitler escaped to the Berlin underground. Today, still wanted by various governments, he survives as a soldier of fortune.
But, alas, these are only speculation. It is only now that the real truth can be revealed. I received various photographs and old German documents from one of my informants who wants to stay anonymous. As I sat in my office late at night, studying these most amazing photographs and documents, the most amazing conspiracy, unfolded in front of me. This will really shock the world, but alas, very few will believe it.
In any case these mentioned documents revealed the following about Hitler after the 1945 “suicide” in the bunker...
A clone of Hitler was forced to drink the cyanide pill and he died in the real Hitler's place. Because he was also Hitler all tests (teeth, finger prints, DNA, etc) turned out authentic.
Escaping to America and living on Ambrosia and other secret medicines, designed by the notorious Dr Josef Mengele, Hitler became the legendary rock star, we know as Elvis Presley.
Making music is what Hitler wanted to do all the time, but was prevented from doing so by the influential Berlin Fine Art Council, who prevented him from following his career as an artist. Many people thought that Hitler was a painter, but he was in actual fact an actor and singer.
Studying these documents, which the influential Illuminati wanted to keep hidden from the world, the truth about Hitler slowly unfolded in front of me...
Hitler was trained at the influential Arnold Schwarzenegger School of the Arts in Vienna in 1925. After completing his studies there he started singing in the local night clubs. He also did some stand up comedy and the Germans pissed themselves every time he lampooned the American actor, Charlie Chaplin, with his funny paint brush mustache.
But what Hitler really wanted to do was to sing. He even invented a new form of singing which he called Zock und Zoul. This was basically a combination of gospel music, country music and rhythm and blues.
He went for his audition on 31 May 1927.
But, alas, the conservative Arts Council didn't like the wild way that Hitler was gyrating his hips and swinging his then long black hair and especially when he played the guitar with his teeth. But when he smashed his guitar into pieces on the floor, screaming “Heeeeeeeeiiiiiiil Hitlaaaaaaaaaaaaaar”, the conservative art councilors threw a fit. “Ouzt, ouzt wif him. He izh ze raving lunatic.” they shouted as they jumped from their chairs.
He was thrown out of the hall by a burly Jewish bouncer.
“Zu belong in ze koncentration kamp, shweine hund...” he screamed as he kicked Hitler and his band into the bright sunlit street.
This was a big disappointment for the young Hitler, after training for this audition for his whole youth. He at first decided to just write a book about his fight with the fine arts council for not accepting his new style of music, Sock and Soul. The book was called Mein Kampf (My Battle).
Unfortunately for the world and especially the Jews this book was bought by and old gay drunkard by the name of Ernst Rohm. He read the book and thought it was about politics.
He then got the young Hitler to join the newly established Nazi Party and like they say the rest is history.
To make a long story short in 1945 with the Russians at the door, Hitler decided to fake his death and escape to America. There he and the rest of the escaped Nazi's lived in one of the small towns where they did their experiments and practiced Sock and Soul.
Hitler really was never much into politics and war and was actually a very shy, peace loving man. He lived for his music. One of the young American girls told Hitler that the name Zock und Zoul sounds stupid and will never make it in America. They then decided to call this new type of music Rock and Roll.
With lots of Ambrosia and other secret herbs, Dr Mengele started changing Hitler into a much younger man with much more energy and no shivering arm and twitching eyes. For the final touch some plastic surgery was done on his face and legs, changing him into a beautiful young man. This is also where plastic surgery began in America. Most of the methods perfected by Dr Mengele and his crew are still being used today to keep the top movie stars young and bouncy.
After a lot of practice, Adolf was ready to try out his new kind of music once more. He and his band started performing at local dances, etc. and very soon they were the talk of the town and the life of the great Elvis Presley began. This is what Hitler wanted to do all time, but was prevented from doing by Berlin's Fine Arts council.
As most Americans couldn't pronounce the name Adolf, they started calling him Elvis. As Hitler's fame began to spread, he decided to adopt the stage name, Elvis Presley. And thus a legend was born.
Unfortunately, for those undying Elvis fans, Elvis really died in that hotel room in 1977. When Hitler moved to America he changed from a surly disciplined Austrian into an undisciplined, if-I-can-put-it-in-my-mouth-I-eat-it American. This led to all kinds of diseases and becoming as fat as a balloon which at the end led to this great musician's death.
In a way this author think that the dead of Elvis was actually a good thing (although in a sad way) The thing is the way that people loved Elvis, he would have been president of America in the early eighties.
And with Elvis, who was really Adolf Hitler, in control of all those nuclear weapons and gigantic air craft carriers, etc, we would all be talking German by now, while hiding out in our underground bomb shelters waiting for night to fall when the mutated Nazi Zombies come out to eat our children.
And that ladies and gentlemen, is the full truth about a man who lived for his music. I gave you the truth and you have to decide now... |
